Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Love that didn't last long enough

Our love was so intense real. Its energy was strong so when you died and left me I crumbled after the initial shock. Even though I knew you were dying, each sign went ignored in the vain hope that the expectancy was false and the nursing staff and doctors were incorrect.
Your love that I drank
like a tonic from your never
ending well is inaccessible
I want more of that love
and warmth and comfort
that afforded me the luxury
of what seemed like my lifes purpose. Inseperable till the end. In my dream you came to me in the last minutes of your life to place your loving arms around me and to rock me gently from side to side until that last breath left your body and caused you to slump upon me. I marvelled at your spirit and its capacity to protect me even in your death you were the perfect gentlemen, cuddling me, making sure I am ok. You are my true love Tony, a love that would never have been had our souls not connected on that fateful night. You are missed by me, your widow who seems to live a half life of discontent. Its just not right Tony without your love. I want to smell you and touch your hair but I cant. Memories are difficult to arouse of these powerful reminders of you. Perhaps it is best I cant so that somehow I can move forward from this place of neutral numbness and longing for what we had. It is a hard, long journey, comfort me my darling from where you are, smile on me, shine on me your crazy diamond. All my love Jen